My Serve is Unstoppable

The story behind this video goes like so... I told Eric (like weeks before this) that I had created a new serve where I didn't try to put any side spin on it, I just muscled it straight at the opponent, which was working great cause when I hit it right, it was very hard and great and people were just not able to return it. So I told him i had this new serve that was unstoppable, and then changed my mind and said, well I only get the serve in about 5% of the time... so some might say it's fairly stoppable in the long run. Those were my exact words. Anyway I forgot about telling him that until I was looking over the video footage he took. (Which was a little creepy because he videos me the whole time and nothing but me... it's like that scene from Love Actually... but much gayer.)

Also in the background you can hear the two Jennifer's talking, and Eric's Jennifer is the one that says "I'm not Gennifer!" in that loud and strange voice. Yes Gennifer with a G. She is so strange sometimes.



This was another video that Eric took where he couldn't make himself look away from me. We end up losing the point because I went in to volley and they hit it back at me, so I tried to move my racket out of the way because the shot was going to be out, but it still hit it. I watched it in super slow motion once, and I turned my racket completely sideways and it hits the outside of the frame. Awesome!

Tanya Hates Slim-Fast

Tanya needs some slim-fast

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This is another old video I made back in the day. Tanya was having a bad day apparently, which should be obvious if you watched the video. If you still don't see it, then try looking in the smart part of your brain. - Andy Bernard (The Office)

In any case, this was back when I would just turn on the camera and let the comedy flow through me, without a care in the world, and without one single comedy flowing through one single me. No, but that's just my excuse for why the whole thing looks like bad improv... because it is.

Trash Talking for the Chili Fest

This last weekend was the Annual Keller Williams Chili Cookoff Extravaganza of Death... except for one of those things. Our team, the Outlaw Cookers, have now defended their title and we won for the second year in a row (Thanks entirely to Troy the Twister)(Also because of my taste testing)(even if I was overruled)(sort of)

Anyway that's not important. What is important, is that we decided to send a little trash talking message to another one of the teams called the "Toast Masters" So blah blah blah we made this video and it took about three takes and trust me, this was my (and dawn's) least funny take. Also I couldn't find my sunglasses and Kim was of course, drunk.

If you are a small child, beware.

Ok so sometimes in life... you just have to let loose, play in a water fountain, and of course... bulldoze a small child.

This video took place at that giant aquarium place in downtown Houston. We basically decided that we were going to run over one straight row of fountain spouts (the spouting pattern is so random and unpredictable!) where two small mexican children were playing. So the rule was: Nobody could leave the path of spouts for fear of getting wet, which is why that crazy midget should have known better than to swing his little head around in the path of my thigh! Yes it was. It was my thigh.

Disclaimer: No Jacob's or a.d.d. children were harmed in the making of this video. *Also I am not a racist, and I love children! I do! and... I'm not!

P.S. pay no attention to the way I run in this video, I have never done that before and never will again... I don't know where it came from

Nice try, lightning!

Ok so today I almost got struck by lightning... in a fairly round-about manner.

I was up on a ladder running all the audio/video wires in our training room while teaching a class. (Hey I have been meaning to do that for a while now and I decided to kill two birds with one stone! Plus I hate birds, and I love stones.)

So anyway, at the very moment that I plugged the power cable into the ceiling mounted outlet, there was a huge bang, a bright flash next to my face and lots of screaming and gasping, because lightning had just struck the building. So luckily, I had just pulled my hand away within a second of the lightning's attempt on my life! Then Jennifer told me that she felt a shock through her laptop's keyboard, and the lights in my bosses office had shattered from the surge, and the receptionist's monitor is now only showing red and not green and blue.

None of that matters however, because I avoided certain death by mere... half seconds! Maybe two at the most. MAYBE. Better luck next time, nature.

12 Pack? More like Go to Engineering School.... Pack

Ok so this morning I bought a 12-pack of Wild Cherry Pepsi's...What! I got them once on accident and they were fantastic. Anyway the point is, I know people love the little contraptions, but I have decided that someone needs to write a "Real American Heroes" song about the person that invented these things.

First of all, the makeshift "handle" on the top might last long enough to get the package from the store to your car, but if you have to... I don't know, walk from the store to your office, two parking lots away... it just doesn't have the necessary structural integrity. So what happens is, either A) it ends up breaking and spilling delicious wild cherry all over the pavement, or B) you have to do that little, tuck the awkward sized box under your arm... move, and the corners dig into your elbow and you hope that the glue at the back end doesn't give way because then you just end up with option A) all over again but from a higher elevation. It's very dramatic, this little dance.

That, however, isn't nearly as annoying as the little perforated access panel on the front. I mean it's clearly perforated (I even said so in the last sentence) yet no matter how slowly and carefully I go, or how hard I focus on that line... the tear will just zigzag back and forth across the line, like it's avoiding the line at all costs! So, somehow the end result is a box that looks like it's been violently attacked by a lawnmower. Well you know what? I say that's what you get box! I mean why are you so afraid of the line? Are you too good for your LINE, BOX??

The Whistle Heard Round the... Immediate Area.

This bad boy happens to be the very original video of the Judy Regil series. It's one of the first videos I've ever editted (and the last because apparently I had run out of trial projects on my mac's video editor) and the first video to hit the big screen (youtube) It has slowly but surely become a stepping stone to a world of videos and blogs that some had never even dreamed of!

I mean, it's not like i'm saying it's so much "bigger" or "better" than anyone dreamed of... it's just that it's kind of random... to sit there... dreaming about worlds filled with videos and blogs. I'm just saying, some have never done that.

Dawn is a good driver.

Ok so, Dawn Johnson was in a head-on collision while I was talking to her on the phone the other night, and nevermind the mental trauma that I will have to deal with for the rest of my life... This is about Dawn. Anyway, we made this video for her, so please enjoy. Please?

The follow information may be necessary to understand the inside jokes in this video:

1. Dawn was in a head-on collision (duh I already told you that, please listen) Oh also, she's ok! That is important to know.

2. We are moving into a new office building in two weeks and Dawn got dibs on the coolest office in the place. (mostly because it has a straight-shot view into my office.)

3. There used to be another Dawn Johnson that worked on the staff "in the front". You'll see.

4. Kim (white shirt) is currently sharing an office with Dawn and complains because she is distracted by our (Dawn, Jennifer and Jacob's) constant shenanigans and hijinks. (Seriously, it's like shenanigans this, and hijinks that.)

5. Judy Regil is somewhat senile, and probably didn't know where she was during the filming of this video.

6. Kim really does act like that in real life... robot.

7. Dawn falls down when we play tennis.

8. I am awesome.

9. Jennifer laughs at herself more than anyone I know. It's awesome.

10. All of the work done on this video, including footage and editing were done after work hours, in case my bosses ask.

Ok now you can watch the video...

Emily almost got a piece.

Ok, this is my story about how I almost attacked my sister in a fit of rage.

So the other night, I got home around midnight after hanging out with some friends. My sister's car was in the driveway, and all the lights were out in the house, and everyone was asleep... or so I thought. So I go in, take a shower, watch a little tv, and then go to bed.

2:30 rolls around, and I wake up to a loud noise in my living room. I wasn't really sure what it was, because I was asleep when I heard it, but I knew it was loud enough to violently wake me up. So I sit up, and immediately start hearing all kinds of noises. It sounded like several people shuffling all over the place in the living room and the hall. I swear I even heard whispering. Lots of frantic whispering. That's what I heard... and I'm not that crazy.

Anyway, I am like oh wow! we are being robbed! So I listen for a little while until I am literally convinced beyond any doubt that there are at least three people, maybe more, running around my house with guns and knives just grabbing as much as they can as fast as they can... This is the image I have in my head.

So I get up and go to the end of my bed, close to the door, and, I'm not embarrassed to say, I acquire some kind of crazy... ninja, pouncing stance... and aim myself right at the door. So I listen a little more and I keep hearing sounds but I can't make them out, and I'm not there for very long before I hear the bathroom door open in my hallway. So of course, I take advantage of the noise and open my own door at the same moment (as any trained assassin knows to do). Well as soon as my door opens I see the bathroom door close, and I look over to see the door to my sister's room is open.

Now... I know what you're thinking... and No, I did not think that a group of burglars ran throughout the house, and then went in my sister's room and kidnapped her and they all met back up at the rendezvous point... the bathroom.

No, this was when I realized that there were no burglars, and that my weird sister had gotten up at 2:30 in the morning to make a lot of strange noises and then take a shower. It certainly wouldn't be the first time. (Also, those of you that think you're smart because you knew it would be her the whole time? You're not, I literally gave it away like three times already. It's an attention grabber!)

So now you're saying, "Well at no point during that story did you almost attack your sister in a fit of rage, Jacob." Well that's where you are wrong. It's ok, I didn't realize it yet either.

Now, you should know, that all of the excitement in the story has already been told by now, so i hope you're not expecting some kind of big finale. However, the next morning when I informed Emily of the distress she had caused with her crazy antics... she tells me that she didn't get up to shower, but that she was just getting home at 2:30, when someone dropped her off... so at least she wasn't sleep showering. But then she goes on to tell me that she was "this" close to coming into my room right then to check something on my computer. (when she said it, she spread her fingers apart, just so) Trust me, she made it seem pretty close.

So to remind you... there I was, standing behind the door, ready to attack, my imagination running away with me, guns, knives, etc... just waiting for someone to come peeking into my room so I could smash their little head in with the door, steal their gun/knife, and try to take the rest down while they were still caught by surprise to see me charging them all in my scrub bottoms. (They are very comfortable and nice, don't judge me.)

So now imagine Emily opening my door nice and slowly and peeking her head in to avoid waking me up... Do the math people! I know... there isn't even math involved, but do the math!

The End.

Roaches are the Devil

Ok, so I decided to share my roach story from earlier this week, because I wanted everyone to appreciate how funny the situation was to me. In any case, just know beforehand that I hate roaches and spiders... hate. So much hate.

So on Tuesday we have our weekly company meetings, and while I was setting up all my equipment, I noticed one of the biggest roaches I've ever seen slowly making its way toward me from like 10 feet away. So I make my way around the table, and the little sucker (and by little I mean huge) changes directions and again, is coming right at me. So I walk over to a shelf and grab a book, and turn around and it has now turned and is scurrying back into the corner it came from, that I can't get to. So I think, oh well, lucky for YOU demon bug.... and go about my business.

So about 30 minutes later in the middle of the meeting, I'm sitting halfway across the room from the scene of the previous incident. I happen to look up and see that one of the agents named Bob Fitch is holding up a piece of paper, and has written a message on the back of it, big enough for me to see halfway across the room, which reads: "A HUGE ROACH JUST CRAWLED UP YOUR LEG"

Oh mother of god...

Well halfway through reading his message happens to be the exact moment that I feel the roach for the first time on my leg, under my pants (That's right UNDER, not on TOP of)

so basically I FREAK OUT! I start stomping my leg to make the roach fall out, and I hit my knee on the table and knock my coffee over, and generally do an impressive bit if flailing... Finally the roach falls out by my shoe and scurries back off behind me and stops by the wall. Somehow the only two people out of the 60-plus in attendance that notice my little jig are Janine (my boss sitting next to me) and old man Bob (who originally clued me in on my predicament, helpful as that was)

So when I finally stop laughing with my head down, and tell Janine that a roach had crawled up the inside of my pant leg and she kinda chuckles, until I point the thing out, and she's like WHOA. Anyway she runs around the table and stomps on it, which is the first time anyone else notices anything. So Dave, my other boss running the meeting, goes on to tell everyone some made up joke about me seeing the roach before they got there and running out of the room. He's clearly a liar.

Anyway... I don't know what kind of crazy robot homing beacon roaches they are breeding these days, (who apparently have some kind of stealth-like capabilities since the giant devil insect made it across a room full of people unnoticed by everyone but old man bob)... but I am going to have more than a little trouble sleeping at night.

Tried any chocolate tea lately? It's all the new craze!

This is how my order at sonic went one day a while back, verbatim:

Girl: Welcome to Sonic can I take your order?
Me: Yes can I have a large chocolate shake?
Girl: I'm sorry what?
Me: A large chocolate shake.
Girl: A large what?
Me: Chocolate shake.
Girl: A large tea?
Me: No, a chocolate shake.
Girl: A chocolate tea??
Me: Are you serious?
Girl: What?
Me: SHAKE!!
Girl: Oh ok sorry, I couldn't understand you.
Me: I didn't notice.