Part 1: The New "Lower Price" Mac Pro!

Ok I have been sitting at home the last couple days recovering from having six teeth removed (4 wisdom teeth and 2 molars) and I thought while I'm doing nothing, I might as well write a blog, since I apparently haven't posted one in about a year and a half according to when I logged in a second ago...

Anyway I decided to write about something nerdy like the new mac pro options from Apple, and how ridiculous the changes are, but just now I decided to choose one ridiculous point at a time and turn them into "parts" (ex. 1, 2, etc.)

As usual, Apple's ridiculous memory prices stand out the most... Now you might look at those prices and think they are a little too high (or you might have no idea what they mean), but they are actually much lower than the last mac pro, well, as long as you don't want to upgrade to 32gb... Wow.

This just goes to show the kind of forward, new age thinking that Apple marketing employs... I mean, most companies try safe, simple techniques like, "buy one get one free", or "two for the price of one" (same thing)... but apple says, we will sell you one for the price of one, but if you want two... well you can have two for the price of eleven. Do the math.

I mean, imagine if I built websites (which I do) and I offered to build you one website for the price of $1,000 (which I would). Then you asked me how much I would charge you to build two websites, and I said $15,000 "straight up" (that's how I talk when I'm doing business)... To which you would say, "Where did you even come up with such a ridiculous number?" or "Did you just say straight up?"

Anyway, you get the point, I use parenthesis way too often.

(This was a pretty pathetic return to blogging, but I'm still hopped up on wisdom teeth drugs!)

My Serve is Unstoppable

The story behind this video goes like so... I told Eric (like weeks before this) that I had created a new serve where I didn't try to put any side spin on it, I just muscled it straight at the opponent, which was working great cause when I hit it right, it was very hard and great and people were just not able to return it. So I told him i had this new serve that was unstoppable, and then changed my mind and said, well I only get the serve in about 5% of the time... so some might say it's fairly stoppable in the long run. Those were my exact words. Anyway I forgot about telling him that until I was looking over the video footage he took. (Which was a little creepy because he videos me the whole time and nothing but me... it's like that scene from Love Actually... but much gayer.)

Also in the background you can hear the two Jennifer's talking, and Eric's Jennifer is the one that says "I'm not Gennifer!" in that loud and strange voice. Yes Gennifer with a G. She is so strange sometimes.



This was another video that Eric took where he couldn't make himself look away from me. We end up losing the point because I went in to volley and they hit it back at me, so I tried to move my racket out of the way because the shot was going to be out, but it still hit it. I watched it in super slow motion once, and I turned my racket completely sideways and it hits the outside of the frame. Awesome!

Tanya Hates Slim-Fast

Tanya needs some slim-fast

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This is another old video I made back in the day. Tanya was having a bad day apparently, which should be obvious if you watched the video. If you still don't see it, then try looking in the smart part of your brain. - Andy Bernard (The Office)

In any case, this was back when I would just turn on the camera and let the comedy flow through me, without a care in the world, and without one single comedy flowing through one single me. No, but that's just my excuse for why the whole thing looks like bad improv... because it is.

Trash Talking for the Chili Fest

This last weekend was the Annual Keller Williams Chili Cookoff Extravaganza of Death... except for one of those things. Our team, the Outlaw Cookers, have now defended their title and we won for the second year in a row (Thanks entirely to Troy the Twister)(Also because of my taste testing)(even if I was overruled)(sort of)

Anyway that's not important. What is important, is that we decided to send a little trash talking message to another one of the teams called the "Toast Masters" So blah blah blah we made this video and it took about three takes and trust me, this was my (and dawn's) least funny take. Also I couldn't find my sunglasses and Kim was of course, drunk.

If you are a small child, beware.

Ok so sometimes in life... you just have to let loose, play in a water fountain, and of course... bulldoze a small child.

This video took place at that giant aquarium place in downtown Houston. We basically decided that we were going to run over one straight row of fountain spouts (the spouting pattern is so random and unpredictable!) where two small mexican children were playing. So the rule was: Nobody could leave the path of spouts for fear of getting wet, which is why that crazy midget should have known better than to swing his little head around in the path of my thigh! Yes it was. It was my thigh.

Disclaimer: No Jacob's or a.d.d. children were harmed in the making of this video. *Also I am not a racist, and I love children! I do! and... I'm not!

P.S. pay no attention to the way I run in this video, I have never done that before and never will again... I don't know where it came from

Nice try, lightning!

Ok so today I almost got struck by lightning... in a fairly round-about manner.

I was up on a ladder running all the audio/video wires in our training room while teaching a class. (Hey I have been meaning to do that for a while now and I decided to kill two birds with one stone! Plus I hate birds, and I love stones.)

So anyway, at the very moment that I plugged the power cable into the ceiling mounted outlet, there was a huge bang, a bright flash next to my face and lots of screaming and gasping, because lightning had just struck the building. So luckily, I had just pulled my hand away within a second of the lightning's attempt on my life! Then Jennifer told me that she felt a shock through her laptop's keyboard, and the lights in my bosses office had shattered from the surge, and the receptionist's monitor is now only showing red and not green and blue.

None of that matters however, because I avoided certain death by mere... half seconds! Maybe two at the most. MAYBE. Better luck next time, nature.

12 Pack? More like Go to Engineering School.... Pack

Ok so this morning I bought a 12-pack of Wild Cherry Pepsi's...What! I got them once on accident and they were fantastic. Anyway the point is, I know people love the little contraptions, but I have decided that someone needs to write a "Real American Heroes" song about the person that invented these things.

First of all, the makeshift "handle" on the top might last long enough to get the package from the store to your car, but if you have to... I don't know, walk from the store to your office, two parking lots away... it just doesn't have the necessary structural integrity. So what happens is, either A) it ends up breaking and spilling delicious wild cherry all over the pavement, or B) you have to do that little, tuck the awkward sized box under your arm... move, and the corners dig into your elbow and you hope that the glue at the back end doesn't give way because then you just end up with option A) all over again but from a higher elevation. It's very dramatic, this little dance.

That, however, isn't nearly as annoying as the little perforated access panel on the front. I mean it's clearly perforated (I even said so in the last sentence) yet no matter how slowly and carefully I go, or how hard I focus on that line... the tear will just zigzag back and forth across the line, like it's avoiding the line at all costs! So, somehow the end result is a box that looks like it's been violently attacked by a lawnmower. Well you know what? I say that's what you get box! I mean why are you so afraid of the line? Are you too good for your LINE, BOX??